Interview with Shehrina Rooney—A New Book About Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

Yay! I love new books that I can recommend to my clients and their families. Please share this book with others. —Amanda L. Smith, LCSW

Tell us about Recovery Mum—your YouTube channel. How did you get started?

I was new in recovery from drug addiction and had just completed seven months as an inpatient at a 12 step rehab. When I left treatment I threw myself into 12 step meetings, doing at least one a day. Nine months after leaving treatment, my children who had been living with my Mum, came back to live with me. When I would tell them I needed to do a meeting I would be met with cries of “please stay at home with us Mummy! We like it when YOU get us to sleep”. I felt torn as I knew that my recovery was vital but I also knew the kids were too young to understand that. I started to think of all the other Mum’s out there that also struggled to attend meetings. That’s when I decided to set up Recovery Mum. I thought I would share my stories with people in the hope that it would help them. Initially I thought the channel would be more drug and alcohol recovery based, but in a short period of time I realised just how many people out there suffer with BPD. I honestly had no idea! I also realised that the same concept could work with people with BPD – one person in recovery helping another, just as fellowships such as AA and NA work. My channel now focuses on all the issues that I have personally struggled with, such as BPD, addiction, depression, post-partum depression, anxiety and an eating disorder. 

Who is The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder intended for? Whom did you have in mind as you were writing it?

When writing The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder, first and foremost at the front of my mind was those people who are still in the grips of this disorder. I wanted to not only help them understand the disorder and therefore themselves a bit better, but also to give them a message of hope. Going back 10 years ago, I never believed there was a way out of the hell that I was living in and for a long time I didn’t see the point in treatment as I thought it was pointless. I want others to know that there IS a way out.

Secondly I wanted to help loved ones of people with BPD understand this disorder. Outsiders only see our behaviours – they don’t know the thoughts and feelings we have that are driving these behaviours. That’s why I have included our thoughts and feelings as well as our behaviours in each chapter describing the BPD traits.

Was writing The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder personally challenging to write?

Believe it or not, I didn’t find it too challenging. I have spent the last few years talking about BPD on my YouTube channel so much that a lot of the information is just there, fresh in my mind. Obviously some days were better than others, where the words would just flow, followed by days of being stuck on one paragraph!

What was a typical day like for you when you were writing The Big Book on Borderline Personality Disorder?

A typical day would be me waking at 7am and rushing around to get the children ready for school. Once back home, I would open up the laptop and start writing. Lottie, my 1-year-old would be playing in the same room so I would try and alternate between writing and playing with her. Once Lottie went up for a nap I would film a video for my YouTube channel and then get back to writing until it was time to do the school run again. As soon as I walked back through the front door I would go straight into the kitchen to begin making dinner. It wasn’t until all 4 children were asleep after each having stories read to them that I could start writing again. I would try and write most evenings. Literally every spare moment I had needed to be spent writing! I completed the majority of the book in just over three months.

What has made the biggest difference for you in your recovery?

Having balance and a routine in my life! I never used to know whether I was coming or going. I was taught in rehab that if we make a daily plan and stick to the plan we won’t go off plan! This helps keeps us safe from relapse. Being spiritual has also been incredibly beneficial. The wonderful thing about spirituality is that there is no right or wrong way of doing it – you just do what feels right for you. For me that is keeping check of my behaviours and thinking of others – basically, be nice.

What do you wish everyone could know about borderline personality disorder?

That we can recover from it and go on to lead very happy lives.

What's the most important thing for family members to know about borderline personality disorder?

That we don’t choose to have this disorder and we don’t behave the way we do because we are nasty people – we are people that are suffering with overwhelming and intrusive thoughts and feelings that are so intense we feel them physically as well as mentally.

What advice would you give to your 18 year-old self?

I would tell myself that I have an inner strength I am not yet aware of. I would tell myself to not give up, no matter how bad things seem to be, there is light at the end of the tunnel – it’s just that I can’t see it yet, but it’s there.

What advice do you have for someone who has just been given the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder?

Don’t panic! This is NOT a life sentence! Recovery IS possible – and be careful when googling BPD as there is a lot of misinformation out there. I would say that if the information seems negative, stop reading it. There are a lot of people out there that have been hurt by someone with BPD and due to this hurt they can be really angry – often posting information that is very one-sided, inaccurate and damaging for someone in early recovery to read.

What is the most effective way for you to self-soothe when emotions are running high?

For me, going to the beach and watching the waves is so calming. I feel so small when looking out at the ocean and it really helps me connect to something bigger than me, a higher power.

When I start to feel my mood dropping I also self soothe by having a movie night on my own. I order Chinese food to be delivered, snuggle under a blanket on the sofa and watch a comedy that’ll make me laugh. I feel so relaxed afterwards.

What inspires you the most?

My Mum is my inspiration. She stood by me when so many others didn’t. My brother has been diagnosed with a progressive degenerative brain disease and he is slowly losing his motor skills, talking, walking, eating, etc. My Mum looks after him now and still finds time for her grandchildren, a children’s charity, work, friends and family – she is literally super woman.

What music is currently on your playlist?

I have such a variety of music that I listen to – everything from 60’s tunes by The Temptations, Ben E King and Aretha Franklin, to Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift, Meatloaf, Eminem, Dappy, Madonna, Rihanna, Backstreet Boys,  Il Divo,  Rag n Bone Man, DJ Khaled and Justin Bieber! I’m listening to The Greatest Showman album a lot at the moment! I don’t have a favourite ‘type’ of music – it all depends on my mood.

Recovery from BPD really is possible. Congratulations, Shehrina! Check out her book by clicking here. If you are in the United Kingdom, click or tap here to purchase Shehrina’s book.

The Ethics of Treating Suicidal Clients

On Wednesday, August 15 I'll be giving a professional presentation on the ethical obligations and risks of treating clients who are suicidal. 

This event will take place from noon to 1:00 pm at NAMI Waco located at 4112 Memorial Drive in Waco, Texas. Licensed professionals will be able to earn one credit toward their professional development requirements. The cost is $15 and lunch will be provided.

Please RSVP to namievent@gmail.com. 

101 Coping Statements for Self-Injury and Self-Harming Behaviors

You may have lots of reasons to harm yourself. 

When you're ready to make a different decision (even if it's only for an hour or two) here are some positive coping statements that you can use to tell yourself to stay strong and stick to your goals.

1. I have others ways to cope with problems.
2. People get worried when I cut.
3. I don't want scars.
4. I can decide to treat myself with kindness.
5. I want to show respect for my body.
6. I can find ways to tolerate my emotional pain.
7. I can tolerate being upset without self-injury.
8. My emotions are always changing.
9. My urges are always changing.
10. My thoughts are always changing.
11. I can love myself until the urge passes.
12. I wouldn't want someone I love to hurt themselves.
13. Emotionally healthy people find ways to cope.
14. I may feel better an hour from now.
15. I feel ashamed after I burn myself.
16. I don't have to make a bad situation worse.
17. I like my skin.
18. I don't want to hide my body.
19. It's been X number of days since I last engaged in self-harm.
20. I choose life.
21. I don't need more trauma in my life.
22. People may think that I don't care about my recovery.
23. When I'm in Wise Mind, I know life will get better without cutting.
24. Burns are ugly.
25. I care about my future.
26. My body is sacred.
27. I can temporarily decide to be self-compassionate.
28. I can wait to see if I change my mind later.
29. I am worthy of recovery.
30. I don't want to delay my healing.
31. My family might think that I want to die.
32. People will judge me.
33. Life is already challenging and cutting makes my life harder.
34. I can self-validate my urges.
35. I can be a strong person.
36. Brave people don't harm themselves.
37. I am a not a victim.
38. I can use my DBT skills instead.
39. I believe in myself.
40. I can accept my urges but choose to do something else.
41. I want to inspire others.
42. Instead of cutting, I can listen to music.
43. I hate the guilt that comes from self-injury.
44. I can call my therapist or a warm line.
45. Holding ice until it melts helps me to feel pain without permanent injury.
46. I can choose to love myself.
47. There are too many cons and not enough pros.
48. Urge surfing can help.
49. I might need to go to the hospital if I really hurt myself.
50. Self-harm is embarrassing to talk about.
52. My boyfriend might think I can't handle life.
53. My girlfriend might get scared and break up with me.
54. Cutting and burning are messy.
55. I scar easily.
56. Cutting is gross.
57. My therapist will be disappointed.
58. Self-harm makes me hate myself.
59. I can handle the ups and downs in life.
60. I'll be proud of myself if I resist.
61. Self-injury is sad.
62. People will pity me.
63. I don't have band-aids. 
64. It will hurt tomorrow.
65. I have goals.
66. Self-love is an important value for me.
67. I'm working towards being a healthier person.
68. I am courageous and brave today.
69. I can reduce my suffering in other ways.
70. I don't want for others to think less of me.
71. My therapist might want to put me in the hospital.
72. I promised others I wouldn't cut.
73. I can take care of myself by letting others know I need help.
74. I hate being covered up while I wait for my body to heal.
75. I can accept my emotional pain.
76. I believe in my ability to overcome burning.
77. Long-sleeves are too hot.
78. Self-injury doesn't solve problems.
79. I'm not a slave to my emotions.
80. I don't deserve self-injury.
81. The smart, cool kids aren't cutting. 
82. I can image a life without self-harm.
83. I'm going to be okay.
84. My family might call 9-1-1.
85. I can journal instead of self-harming.
86. It's okay to find other ways to feel my emotions.
87. Things will get better when I get better.
88. I value happiness.
89. Cutting doesn't improve my relationships.
90. I'm smart enough to help myself in other ways.
91. Cats don't engage in self-harm.
92. Blood smells awful.
93. I am a strong and resourceful person.
94. I'll be proud of myself tomorrow.
95. Drawing or painting can help pass the time until my urges go down.
96. I want to be someone who doesn't cut.
97. I can soothe myself.
98. I can take myself to the movies instead.
99. Cutting isn't meaningful and meaning is important to me.
100. People might think I'm "crazy."
101. I take responsibility for my recovery.

Looking for a way out of your emotional pain? Dialectical behavior therapy may help. And check out these cute little self-harm prevention temporary tattoos.

Understanding Identity and Self-Awareness

Who are you? Who do others think you are?

These are sometimes difficult questions or ideas for individuals who are emotionally sensitive or who are coping with a mental health diagnosis.

Anyone is welcome to join us—including family members and friends—on Wednesday, January 10 at 8:00 pm Eastern/5:00 pm Pacific for a closer look at how we can understand ourselves, our values, our strengths, and our relationships better.

The investment for this live 90-minute webinar is just $19. However it's free for subscribers to My Dialectical Life. If you're a subscriber, email me for a special invitation.

The webinar will also be recorded for future listening. Simply log in and access the recording. It's that easy!

Please click here to register today.

How to Let Borderline Personality Disorder Ruin Your Life

It's important to recognize that individuals with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder have a very good or even excellent prognosis. Most people not only get better but they remain healthier and happier for the rest of their lives.

However if you're someone who would like to stay miserable for decades, here are some tips for staying stuck as long as possible.

1. Invalidate yourself.

You can engage in invalidation by calling yourself names, telling yourself that you can't do something, imagining that you'll never get what you want, and by thinking that life will never improve. If you find that you're having neutral or even positive thoughts, firmly decide that recovery is for other people and that an evidence-based treatment such as dialectical behavior therapy is imperfect and just won't work for you.

2. Stay in bed.

If you're tempted to get out of bed at a reasonable time, imagine all the things that may happen if you leave your home. Tell friends that you are too sad or suicidal to get together with them. Tell your family members that you know nothing will ever change and that you'll always be a failure. Keep thinking that you can really only rely on the illusion of friendship you may get from Netflix and gaming from the safety of your bedroom.

3. Don't go to treatment.

You might think that treatment or therapy might help but just consider how imperfect therapists and treatment programs are. At some point, they are going to ask you to make a commitment to making tiny changes or they might even suggest that you work towards accepting yourself just the way you are. You already know that it's going to be challenging. Isn't it easier just to stay in bed?

4. Ignore your physical health.

Tell yourself that a poor diet, no regular sleep schedule, or a lack of exercise doesn't make any difference in how you feel emotionally. I mean, you're an adult. Why not eat whatever you want and sleep whenever you want? Exercise may just wear you out. If someone tells you that you might feel better if you go for a walk, ignore them and tell them that they don't understand what depression is like.

5. Be dismissive (or downright mean) to the people who care about you the most.

If someone tells you that they love you, scoff at or ridicule them. If someone tells you that they care, believe that there is something wrong with them. When other people want to hang out with you, never say yes because it will only encourage them to ask again. Remind yourself that if you keep burning your bridges, people really will leave you alone. Thankfully, being alone will reinforce your feelings of loneliness and make them even stronger. This will give you even more to complain about.

Staying stuck is a choice that you don't have to make. Today you can do something different.

Interested in learning more about how you can start helping yourself—or someone you love?

• DBT Self-Help
• Online BPD Family Course
• How to Recover from Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline Documentary is Coming to Waco

Join me for an evening at downtown Waco's historic Hippodrome Theater where will view the documentary Borderline by filmmaker Rebbie Ratner, MFA.

This special event will take place on Wednesday, September 6 at 7:00 pm. The address for the Hippodrome is 724 Austin Avenue.

While the film is free to attendees, seating is limited. A suggested donation of a tax-deductible gift of $5.00 will benefit NAMI Waco. 

Please reserve your seat today by emailing Amanda L. Smith, LCSW at amanda@hopeforbpd.com. 

For more information, check out the film's web site.

My Life is Worth Living: A DBT-Inspired Booklet

My Life is Worth Living: A 30-day booklet to help you identify your reasons for living

The idea for this booklet was inspired by the article Do reasons for living protect against suicidal thoughts and behaviors? A systemic review of the literature (2016). The researchers' important work took a closer look at the helpfulness of Marsha Linehan's Reasons for Living Inventory. Dr. Linehan created dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) and knows a lot about preventing suicide.

The quick answer to the question of "Do reasons for living protect against suicidal thoughts and behaviors?" is a resounding "YES!" Thinking and writing about your reasons for living can help you today and tomorrow. It's a practical and easy way for you to help yourself if you're someone who thinks about suicide or self-harming behaviors.

This small 5 x 7 inch journal will take you through the next 30 days. It's okay if you have dozens of reasons for living or maybe just one or two. What's most important is that you start listing your reasons for living every single day.

Click here to purchase now for $11.

Questions or interested in ordering multiple copies at a discount? Email me at amanda@hopeforbpd.com.

Stronger Than BPD: An Interview with Author Debbie Corso

Hope for Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder

I love sharing recovery stories and am excited that author, educator, and advocate Debbie Corso has written an inspiring book that I know will help others.

Below you'll find an email interview with my friend Debbie about writing, effective treatment, and what it's like to be on the other side of BPD.

Who is this book for? Who did you have in mind as you were writing it?
I wrote this book primarily for people suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD), BPD traits, or emotional sensitivity.  Stronger than BPD is an empowerment tool. It helps destigmatize BPD, de-pathologize emotional sensitivity, and it offers scientifically validated Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) skills that have helped me and countless others learn to manage intense emotions and thrive in this world.  I also wrote this book so that loved ones, as well as professionals, will be encouraged that it is possible for their family member or client with BPD traits to recover and go into remission. It is possible for their loved one or client to be in a very difficult place today and to no longer meet the criteria for a borderline personality disorder diagnosis in the future.

Was writing Stronger Than BPD personally challenging to write?
There were some sections that were particularly challenging to write. Although I have been quite an open book about my mental health journey with BPD, I sometimes still feel vulnerable sharing certain aspects of my personal experience. In some cases, listening to my Wise Mind in those moments meant that I found another way to write about a certain topic, but in other cases, it meant taking a deep breath and using opposite action to the fear—I put the information into the book even though it caused me a little anxiety, because I knew the potential for the example to help countless others who are struggling and suffering. 

It was also challenging to write about coping with a severe episode of multiple sclerosis. The reason I chose to push through and write that section was to show that these skills aren't just about coping with the day to day challenges and upsets we face, but they can also help us break down big life issues so that we can deal with those skillfully as well.

What was a typical day like for you when you were writing Stronger Than BPD?
A typical day was at my desk, sitting by a window, looking at the trees and rain while writing. I'd make myself a cup of herbal tea or have some bubbly water nearby. Other times, I'd head to Starbucks or the library to write.  I'd turn on classical or spa music. I can only listen to music without words while I write.

What has DBT meant to you? How has it changed your life?
DBT has absolutely been life-changing, and that's why I so passionately teach it and spread the word on a global scale!  DBT, for me, was like taking an Adulting 101 class. I learned so many skills that many people naturally acquire while growing up in a healthy home environment.  I also learned skills that many people who do not have BPD traits, such as black or white thinking or fear of abandonment and rejection, take for granted. At first, I felt embarrassed that I didn't know things that seemed, as I learned them, should have been common sense for an adult. But we can't learn what wasn't modeled for us or taught to us, so I learned to accept this and treat myself with self-compassion. Learning these skills allowed me to learn to embrace my emotional sensitivity and manage my emotional intensity, which has allowed me to build a life worth living. I founded an online school (DBT Path) to teach others these skills. I have a wonderful therapist co-facilitator, and we teach DBT skills to people all around the globe. Yes, DBT has been totally life-changing for me!

What is your favorite skill to use?
Self-Soothing! I used to think self-care and self-soothing equaled self-indulgence or selfishness. It's just not true. I went from feeling undeserving of self-soothing to it being one of my go-to skills when I've problem-solved and there isn't an immediate solution to a distressing situation. This might look like going outside and getting some fresh air, making a blanket cocoon on the couch and watching a favorite TV program, or having a square of really nice dark chocolate.

Do you think that anyone can recover from BPD using the skills from DBT?
I wish this were the case, and I know that DBT has and can help many, many people with BPD. The reality is, everyone is different, and some people may respond to other modalities better. The most important thing for someone with BPD traits to do is be evaluated by a qualified mental health professional and then discuss treatment options that would be the best fit for them.  That being said, DBT skills are helping people, including teenagers, with better interpersonal communication skills. They are helping entrepreneurs be more effective in their business communications. They are helping people with eating disorders. And, they are helping many people with Borderline Personality Disorder enter into recovery and remission.  I think these skills have the potential to help many people with different backgrounds and challenges.

What inspires you today?
Graphic design of all things. It's something that has not been an inherent talent for me. I've challenged myself by taking several courses, and I'm getting better! I love looking at and admiring the work of graphic designers.

I am also inspired by the Universe. Remembering that we are made of stardust is something that is not only poetic but a scientific fact. I find that quite inspiring. :)

What's your favorite pizza topping?
I'm a vegetarian who eats a mostly vegan diet...so my favorite pizza topping is veggies, and of course vegan cheese.

You can buy Debbie's new book by clicking here. Congratulations Debbie!

10 Excellent Reasons for Not Getting Help for Borderline Personality Disorder and Self-Injury

There are lots of really good reasons (and maybe a few not-so-good ones) for putting off getting the help, treatment, and support you need to recovery from borderline personality disorder or other self-harming behaviors.

Here are just 10:

1. Getting better requires lots of really hard work.

2. It's easier to resign yourself to the idea that you cannot be happy due to previous mistakes or past abuse, neglect, or other traumatic events.

3. At least you know what to expect when you stay in bed all day.

4. You cannot imagine a life that's not dictated by your emotions and roller-coaster mood swings.

5. You don't have the money, time, insurance, or it's just too far to travel to health care professionals and treatment programs.

6. Fear of failure. Again.

7. Asking for help leaves you feeling too vulnerable.

8. You're waiting for someone else to change first.

9. Family members and friends will begin to go away if they think you are better and no longer need them.

10. Even DBT creator Marsha Linehan says that all therapists act like "jerks" at one time or another.

What's next?

What are you telling yourself today? What are your reasons?

Sometimes obstacles can become opportunities. Please let me know if I can help.

I can be reached by email at amanda@hopeforbpd.com.

Better Relationships for Emotionally Sensitive Persons: An On-Demand Webinar

Creating and then sustaining healthy relationships takes a lot of hard work.

If you or someone you love is coping with emotional ups and downs then those healthy relationships can feel like an dream that may never come true. In this 60-minute webinar, I'll give you short, actionable steps for you to increase your relational happiness right away.

I cover topics such as:

• Identifying healthy relationships
• Developing greater self-awareness
• The role of forgiveness in healthy relationships
• How gratitude can improve your relationships overnight
• Attracting healthier people in our lives

This presentation is not just for individuals with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder. It's for anyone would is interested in improving any important relationships. Family members and friends are welcome to participate.

This webinar is available on-demand so you can listen at anytime by registering here now.

The investment is just $19.

Wondering if this webinar is right for you? I'm available to answer any questions you have. Please contact me at amanda@hopeforbpd.com.